For almost a year and a half, we experienced a new kind of rollercoaster until he found the proper medication and acceptance of its place as part of his treatment. Once he felt comfortable again, his smile and warmth returned along with a new playfulness. I discovered that those traits were his innate qualities and not alcohol-induced. divorce after sobriety My partner went to treatment shortly after we started living together. The most challenging decision I had to consider was whether to stay or leave the relationship. Though I did not doubt that we loved each other, the chaos of addiction had eroded our trust in each other, and my life no longer felt my own.
Everyone knows that alcoholism destroys marriages. I’ve read about a 20 percent increase in divorce rate when abusive drinking is in play. But I’ve never been able to find statistics about the divorce rate of marriages when the abusive drinker is in recovery. I don’t think that is a subset that’s ever been studied scientifically. While my sample size is not large enough to publish the results, something like four of every five marriages I’m aware of where an alcoholic spouse quit drinking resulted in divorce. That’s an unscientific 80 percent, and I think it’s probably a little on the low side.
The ONLY person who is responsible for drinking/drugging is the addict themselves. While their external behavior may be very different, folks in early recovery have the same character flaws they had when they were using. They are generally impulsive, impatient, and very moody.
Addiction affects the entire family, including you. Consider seeking mental health support for yourself. A therapist can help you learn more about the role you may have played in a codependent relationship and learn healthier patterns. According to 2018 research, supportive relationships with family, spouses, and sponsors help those working toward sobriety sustain their recovery.
Yet, it’s important to consider this choice for the well-being and personal growth of both yourself and your partner. It might be time to leave your partner if their behavior jeopardizes your safety, well-being, and personal growth. His absence from our home gave me the necessary space to process how addiction had turned our lives upside down so quickly. The single most driving emotion I needed to heal was anger. We had become enmeshed, and I saw this as my fault.
RELATIONSHIPS; PRESSURES ON COUPLES IN ALCOHOL ….
Posted: Mon, 14 Sep 1981 07:00:00 GMT [source]
Research has shown that addicts in early recovery are much more likely to be successful if they live in a sober space. The pitfalls for the affected other (people affected by a loved one’s drinking or drugging) are many. Some of us try to convince ourselves that things will be fine now that our loved one is sober.
Because of the difficult aspects of substance use recovery, the partner in recovery may not initially have the energy to commit to healing the relationship. Codependency can also cause the non-addicted partner to unwittingly enable unhealthy behaviors, which may encourage substance use and addiction. The term codependency is used often and colloquially. But originally, it was created to describe the romantic partners (usually women, although we now know that men can become codependent as well) of people with SUD. But the stress that comes along with constant arguing can become a trigger for the person living with SUD to use drugs or alcohol. Substance use within unhappy relationships can also become a downward spiral that can be difficult to get out of.
I gave up the other love of my life, my beer and whiskey, because I thought that’s what needed to happen to repair my marriage. Sheri had felt like the second most important thing in my life for years. Offering to stop cheating on her with my liquid lover wouldn’t do anything to fix the pain of the years of betrayal. No matter how long your family has lived under the oppression of addiction, there are bound to be residual concerns, issues and feelings.
Sarah Allen Benton, M.S., LMHC., LPC, is a licensed mental health counselor and author of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic. I soon realized that the studio allowed me to practice setting boundaries with Bill and provided me a safe place when our home became stormy. Without the studio, I wonder whether our marriage would have survived the turbulence of early recovery. Realizing that your compatibility with someone was largely predicated on drinking together can be a gut punch. My husband and I had to get to know each other all over again. My drinking self was down for a good party and talking shit on someone’s patio.
